I started blogging in 2006. Since then, I have had only 26 posts and 3 drafts and countless others drafted only in my head. The good thing about a post is that it sounds extremely well composed in my head. Maybe it is the complacence that prevents me from writing it out :P Or as Chetzy put it, once you have someone to share your life with, it becomes somewhat redundant to blog. I entertained that idea too, for a while. But really, I know I am sheer lazy.
Yes, laziness and workaholism both are the culprits. They together stop me from pursuing a hobby. Then there's enthusiasm that every once in a while raises its head and reminds me of the word "multifaceted". When I watch a good performance e.g. the SASA show or the the Durga Puja song practice, I feel all inspired, but of course it dies away only to make me feel really really old! Yes, that is the conclusion I invariably arrive at these days. It is my alibi for everything!
I have become old. I need to get really serious about my career, finish this Ph.D. If I waste time in such fun and frolic, it will only add days to my Ph.D. I am now someone's fiancee, I have responsibilities. So on and so forth. I have already started painting my future grey with this attitude. Why so? In my mind there's this big dilemma: On the one hand I feel I need to slowly get into my parents shoes, do things the way they do and on the other, my upbringing was so different from their's that I find hard to bend my ways. Besides, my dreams, our dreams have totally different plans for us.
My personal life is great, academics are decent too. Yet, I feel a void I cannot explain. I feel distant from most people, burdened with self-imposed responsibility. I feel under-confident, like never before! It is disconcerting, but true. Having been competitive all my life, I wonder if finding a hobby and excelling at it might be the much need boost.
This leaves me where I started: What's my hobby?
2 comments:
Hey grt to see u blog after ages! ... u had sooo many hobbies - Sports, random music, dram, movies ... what happened to all of them? I can understand what you feel. Was feeling the same, like the wonder years quote - 'when we are young, we are a bit of everything - actor, scientist, sportsman... sometimes, growing up seems to be a process of giving up each of these things one by one " ... but then, something happens that gives you the adrenaline rush, that makes you feel alive, and kicking, and, oh so young and energetic!! Me just won the first prize in creative writing, in the inter-collegiate fest at IISc :) wow! When, work doesn't move, such small things mean the world to you!
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