A stranger!

Is this real? I wonder. My self keeps surprising me, many times! Sometimes I can look at myself and wonder why am I acting this way? No, this is not split-personality...and by the way I just got to know that schizophrenia is misused interchangeably in this context.

The most recent and most annoying example is my weird disposition since I have come here. If these guys were too describe me it wud be : introvert, shy, somewhat hedonistic! This is so unlike me yet, I just maintain the impression, invariably and then I feel so bad. Thinking about this I felt that it has to do with how things progressed since I came here.....even after the initial period of getting to know people I naintained the facade....in a way, I think, my frustrations about my work manifested in my aloofness towards the people here. I realise I was wrong but I have come too far to correct, is it? No, it's not that bad, I think it's not too late but the fact that I have very less time now..it's probabaly that,hmmmm...so I just wud leave things at what they are....hopefully not worsening them. Not that I didn't take any efforts though, .....am I justifying myself? ....let's give it a fair chance...hmm, ok, whenever I have tried to show people that I care ..like for example, when you enquire about their health, if they weren't well the previous day or if I wait for someone to go for meals or something...it is not always reciprocated. These are trivial matters, I know, but they go a long way in showing how much you are a part of their group. And I am just not used to being treated as a 'worm'. Yes, tht's another story..it must wait for a while. Initially I started with a lot of patience ....but obviously the work environment here was soo different, so americanised, it took me a while to get acclimatised and it was aggravated by their indifference.....if it weren't for Debarati, I am sure I wud have got no formal intro with everyone on the first day. It might be expecting too much from people around me but, I am sure that if roles were reversed I wud surely be more amicable........well, that doesn't mean I shud not be able to cope with people of the other genre.

All I can say is that this whole experience has taught me an important funda.......what not to do when I finally go for my PhD. Too bad I cudn't touch these people's lives ....but sure mine has been enriched...I have learnt a lot from everyone here.....more of it later when I am gone from here. And yes, next time it's about the worm!